Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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