Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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