grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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