I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
