Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
