i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
