so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
either way he was missing a nipple.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
