So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
