no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize