I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
