420 ftw
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
