Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
