you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I touched a dick in church today
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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