So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
