Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
