The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
