We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
