yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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