Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
