I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
