I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
