omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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