what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
