I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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