We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
