watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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