i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
