Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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