i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
