Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
