he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
