She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
