girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
