No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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