seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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