Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
