I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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