Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
