Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
