I think my fart just growled at me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize