So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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