I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
