At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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