i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
