you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
