yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
