sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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