You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
