Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
