don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
