I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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