I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
