okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
