Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
