tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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