would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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