There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
