so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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