I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
