yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
