I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
