i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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