So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
