So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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