I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize